The Ice Ring In My Freezer

 

I wrote this in January 2013. As another New Year begins, it's a good reminder to myself. Here's to a year of hanging up ice rings.

The sad, sad tale of the ice ring in my freezer. Told through a series of vignettes with my husband...

December 3, 2012
Husband: Honey what the hell is in the freezer?
Me: I went to Trader Joe's today and...
H: No. No. The pan with ice.
Me: Oh. That's our Winter Ice Ring.
H: Am I supposed to know what that is?
Me: I decided that's going to be a tradition. As a start to the winter Holiday season, M & I went on walk to gather winter swag to put in our ice ring. We made it and now we will hang it up out front as a start to the holidays. It's going to be our thing. I did most of it this year, but he can help more and more as he gets older.
H: Okay. That's sweet. When are you hanging it up?
Me: First day of Hanukkah

December 10, 2012
Husband: Babe, you know your ice ring is still in the freezer.
Me: I know. I know. I totally flaked. We are going to hang it up the LAST night of Hanukkah instead.

December 18, 2012
Husband: Honey, can I toss this ice ring?
Me: NO! NO!! Stop!! I am going to hang it up!!
H: Okay, but Hanukkah is over and it takes up a whole shelf in our fridge.
Me: I know! I know! But we're going to hang it up this week before your family gets in town for Christmas.

December 24, 2012
Husband: Hey, did the ice ring melt?
Me: No. UGH! I tried to hang it up today, but I couldn't reach the branch on the tree out front and then I tried in the bushes, but it broke and shattered. So I remade it. It will be frozen tomorrow.
H: Uh..okay...but why did you remake it?
Me: BECAUSE IT IS OUR "THING"!! Look this is important to me. We need traditions as a family. Maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe your nieces can help tomorrow and instead of a start to the holiday season it can be something the kids all do together? Isn't that cute?
H: (pause. pause.) Yes. Cute. Okay. So tomorrow?
Me: Yes. Tomorrow. I swear.

December 30, 2012
Husband: No no son. Don't touch Mommy's Ice Ring. It lives in the freezer now. Forever.
Me: Don't be a smart ass. I am hanging it up January 1. It's a beautiful way to start the New Year. Dontcha think?
H: (silence)

January 5, 2012
Husband: Oh look an Ice Ring in the freezer!
Me: (silence)
H: This is nuts. I am tossing this.
Me: NO! Don't you dare.

 My New Years Resolution is simple and not so simple.

I am awesome at embracing process. I thrive in process.I thrive in possibility. I struggle finding the end.  I shun the completion of anything because I fear realizing what I could have done better and being unable to change it. I fear what comes next.  I am the queen of "Yes, and...", but sometimes life calls for  "yes" or "no".
This year I am going to practice hanging up the f'ing Ice Ring.

Working Out my Working Out Issues

Exercise is good for you blah blah blah 30 minutes of cardio 3 times a week blah blah blah strength training blah blah blah UGH.

Here's the truth- I. HATE. WORKING. OUT.
Seriously hate it. Yes. Hate IS a strong word and it accurately defines my relationship with working out.
What is "working out"? In my world, it's moving your body for the express purpose of improving physical and mental health vs. accomplishing a tangible immediate task.
Running? Working out.  Running away from a mugger? Tangible immediate task.
Walking? Working out. Walking around the farmer's market? Tangible immediate task
Pilates? Working out. Reaching that mixing bowl I inexplicably put on the top shelf? Tangible immediate task.
Yoga? Working out. Standing in line and ultimately not punching anyone at the DMV? Tangible immediate task.

In my 20+ years of trying to come to terms with my hatred of working out, I have discovered that people seem to fall into 1 of 3 categories when it comes to exercise-

Vivian Zink/Bravo Photo

1. There are people who LOVE exercise and working out. It may be challenging to find the time and it may push their limits, but they are blessed with "the runner's high" the endorphins. Or maybe there is something about the action itself that gives them comfort or peace.  Whatever.  They genuinely find joy in working out. I hate these people. Okay, in this case hate is too strong a word. I am very, very jealous of these people.

2. There are people who dislike the actual "working out" of working out- they find it unpleasant or boring. There are a million other things they would rather be doing. However once they do it, they feel good. They feel better after they work out. It ends up burning off stress or making them feel proud of the accomplishment. There is some tangible immediate reward for doing it and the fact that it makes them healthier is an added bonus. They may moan or groan, they may fall off the wagon sometimes, but ultimately working out proves to be a positive experience. I have strived to be this person.

Puppy shuns exercise. She is also not supposed to be on the couch.

3. Finally there are the people who just hate it. It does NOT feel good in the moment. It does NOT feel good during or immediately following. There are no endorphins. There is no stress burn. In fact, stress is manifested. Body aches during and after no matter how many different personal trainers are consulted or different exercise/work out activities are attempted. It doesn't get better even if they commit to it for months. It's hard to breathe. It hurts. It's boring. It sucks. These are my people. I am one of them.

In my continuing exploration of who I think I should be vs. who I am, I keep hoping to discover I am #2. Part of my frustration with exercise is that I think I SHOULD like it. I want to be The Girl who does Pilates. Or the Girl who runs 5Ks. And while there is no part of the act, during or immediately following, that I enjoy, I do have to acknowledge that when I am working-out in some fashion on a regular basis I look healthier and I like the way my clothes fit. I am able to do more physically for work and play. I get sick less and I sleep better.

So recently I have been thinking I need to just embrace #3. There are a lot of things in life I don't like that I do anyway because it's just what needs to happen. I hate cleaning the floors. I hate paying taxes. I hate dealing with the DMV. But these things that must be done because I don't want to live in filth, I don't want to go to jail, and I don't want to get a ticket.

January 2015, I am going to start slow. 30 minutes of walking or some kind of organized cardio (chasing 3 year old around house doesn't count) 3 days a week. But this time, I am going to try just being cranky about it. I am going to hate it. And I am going to be okay with that. A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.